THE THIRTY-NINTH SHADE OF GREY
Before we were married, I was living in Colorado and my soon to be husband was living on a farm in Missouri. One of his responsibilities on the farm was to help with herding around the cattle and hogs. To do this he occasionally used what is called a cattle whip. It is basically a stick with a piece of rope attached to the end.
When we were getting ready for him to move to Colorado, several of his friends volunteered to help him pack. In the process of packing, one of his friends stashed the cattle whip in a large box marked MASTER BEDROOM. Ha Ha. The box was sealed and loaded onto the truck.
Arriving in Colorado, the truck was unloaded and the various boxes were hauled into their designated rooms. I chuckled a little bit when I found the cattle whip stashed in one of the boxes in our bedroom. I tried to guess which one of my husband’s friends would have done this, but they would all be suspects. I guess that was why they were my soon to be husband’s friends in the first place. God love ‘em! Being in a hurry to unpack, I just stashed the cattle whip in the corner of our bedroom behind the door and forgot about it.
Now the year before, Sean had come home from school and informed me that I had to make him a snake costume for the school play. Snake costume? No problem. I asked Sean when he needed it, already knowing what the answer would probably be. Tomorrow. Just what I figured. So I quickly threw together some fabric and scales and slithers and made him a snake costume. Remember now, it was late and I was tired. And several glasses of wine can adjust your perspective. The next night at the school play, I burst out laughing when Sean the Snake came bouncing on stage. Parents all around me were staring at me and slowly moving away as I sat there roaring with laughter, tears streaming down my face. Instead of a fearsome snake, all I could see was this giant ribbed condom bouncing and weaving on stage. I called Sean Trojan for several months after that. But, anyway.
|Trojan the Snake|
|Sean the Ringmaster|
“What’s a crop?” Sean asked.
“It’s like a small whip.” The teacher explained.
“Oh, okay,” Sean answered. “My mom keeps one of those behind her bedroom door.”
The next parent/teacher conference was very interesting.