Dear Mattel:

So, after watching some beautiful little girls open up their Christmas presents yesterday, I have come up with a few new Barbie ideas.  Now, dear readers,  know that I myself am an absolute Barbie whore. When I was a kid I had the camper, the townhouse with the elevator, the airplane and the pool. I have acquired a number of Barbies (even as an adult) but have since given most away.

I found an Amish outfit for Barbie when I was in a quilt shop in Kalona, Iowa a few years ago. I got so excited my husband had to give me a sedative to calm me down. Luckily he keeps them in his pocket for me- kind of like Tic Tacs. A dear friend had bought me a Barbie Volkswagen a few years before that, so I put Amish Barbie in the driver’s seat. She is in Rumschpringe! I had her on display at the quilt store where I worked- it just confused the delivery drivers.  They thought an 8 year old worked there.

And I do still have my Daphne Scooby Doo Barbie that I will never part with, as I wanted to be Daphne when I was a kid. Who Didn’t?? You would get a cute boyfriend not to mention get to ride around in that AWESOME van! I also have my wedding Barbie that my husband bought me on our wedding day. Insert “AWW- how sweet is that” here. And try not to throw up. Anyway, here we go-

1.      East Colfax Barbie. For those of you that are not from Colorado, East Colfax is a stretch of road that used to be known for its’ night life- if you know what I mean. East Colfax Barbie would come with thigh high hooker boots, a slutty tank top, and her own purse filled with condoms, the morning after pill and some lip balm. We would also need Pimp Ken-who would come with some fashionable gold chains, a fedora and a souped up gold Cadillac.

2.      Harley Barbie. This hip chick would come with inter-changeable tattoos, a kick ass leather jacket, some nifty bike boots and her own Harley Davidson do rag. Biker Ken would also come with inter-changeable tattoos, a leather jacket, and a t shirt with this message on the back- “If you can read this the bitch fell off”.

3.      True Blood Barbie. She would come with her own Merlotte’s outfit, and bottles of True Blood for her vampire visitors. Of course then we would need Bill and Eric- Bill would come with his own house, fit for a king, and Eric would just be naked and anatomically correct.

I may be onto something folks- and I will be disappointed if I see any of these on the shelf before my letter gets written. Now, onto my letter-

Happy Sewing!

Courtenay

http://chipanddaledesigns.blogspot.com/

CHRISTMAS PASS…….

 
I told my family that I wanted something unusual this year for Christmas. I said get me something that will shock me in the end, so to speak. So…….

Three benign Polyps,

Diverticulitis,

Internal Hemorrhoids,

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree!

They got me a colonoscopy for Christmas! My doctor wanted it done asap, but the first available date was Christmas Eve!! 

My wonderful, adorable, handsome husband picked up the prep package for me yesterday. When I got home I found the prep package wrapped in decorative Christmas paper, complete with a colorful bow! He is so thoughtful!

All in all, after ten days of worry, it was a pretty good Christmas present. I guess you could say that everything turned out pretty well in the end!

Merry Christmas and Happy Sewing!

http://chipanddaledesigns.blogspot.com/

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ABOUT OUR NAME

Several people have speculated about the origins of the name Chip and Dale Designs. No, it was not from those two little mischievous chipmunks from Walt Disney.  That would be a copyright infringement, and I certainly don’t want to fringe on anybody, except possibly my husband. And then only on a Saturday night when no kids are home.

And it is not named after the Chippendale dancers. They do not interest me, although I must admit that I have seen Magic Mike 43 times, including six times on the IMAX big screen. WOO HOO!

The company is actually named after my two adorable wiener dogs who, appropriately, are named Chip and Dale. Now we didn’t choose those names. Those were the names that were on their social security cards when we rescued them from the animal shelter. We had to pay an extra $300 each to get their social security cards, but my husband says the extra dependents are well worth it at tax time. (Just kidding, NSA!)

If you have never owned or been around wiener dogs, I must tell you that it is truly a remarkable experience. They are highly intelligent, playful, talkative, loving, protective and stubborn. They keep us constantly amused and entertained. Chip is a male mini-dachshund and Dale is his sister, though somewhat smaller and balding. (She wears a little babushka that I made for her because she is somewhat self-conscious about her baldness.)

I often come home at night and find a sweet little card on my sewing machine from the two little critters. They do not sign their names but I know the card is from them because it is signed with two little anatomically correct wiener dog stick figures. It is certainly a spirit lifter after hard day of work or sewing.

When I finally plop down on the couch at night I immediately have the two wiener dogs with me; Dale under the quilt I cover my legs with, and Chip snuggled on top of the quilt between my knees. George the Cat settles down on the arm of the couch right next to me, while our other cat Newman perches in his cushion and gives everyone his hardass look.

A note on our cats: Newman is a huge Manx with no tail. Up front he is a normal-sized cat. His back half looks like he has a football lodged in his butt. George is a little tortoise shell cat with six toes. We acquired her one day when I got mad at a company called Car Toys, but that is an entirely different story altogether. George has six toes on her front paws. And she likes to help me sew.  We had a third cat, Cramer who lived to the ripe old age of 17. Cramer was part of the package deal when I married my wonderful, adorable, handsome husband. (My husband reads the blog, if you are wondering.) Cramer had seven toes on his front paws. My husband said that was because he was British.  So, as you can see, we do have a thing for deformed critters. But we love them all the same!

Chip and Dale, the twins as we call them, help me with my quilting. They are quite adept at re-arranging quilt layouts, making sure the fabrics have the proper smell, eating patterns they don’t like,  and occasionally marking things that do not meet there high aesthetic standards.

And that, my friends, is how my pattern company came to be known as Chip and Dale Designs.

Happy sewing!

LABELS SHMABELS

My name is Courtenay- and I do not label my quilts. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem- right?  I know I need to do this. I really do. I am just so over the quilt by the time that last stitch is made on the binding that I do not have one more ounce of care in me to create a label. Bad, I know. There are a few quilts I have made labels for. I made labels for those because they were going into quilt shows that required me to do them. I did make a few others several years back-but that was when I was on crack and didn’t know how much I hated doing them. (Just kidding about the crack part)

I should try to make the label when I start the quilt, but I am so in the zone to get going that the label is the furthest thing on my little brain. I can only hold in so much information at one time- just ask my poor bosses.

I have a wonderful Bernina that can embroider. However, it has been so long since I used that part of the machine I forget how to use it! I need to get back into it. But then sometimes it seems as if it is such a hassle to get the machine all set up for embroidery. I have to find the embroidery unit, get out the instruction manual, find the attachments, find the program on the computer and then try to remember how to create a label, etc. By then my quilt could have been done and the wiener dogs have peed on it already to break it in.

I know- these all sound like excuses. And they are.

Next year I promise to get my lazy ass in gear and try- I mean TRY- to label anything bigger than a place mat or table runner that leaves my house.

My name is Courtenay and now I might make quilt labels. Baby steps, right? I will see you at the next meeting!

COOKING IS A CROCKPOT

The bane of any quilting addict is cooking. We lose much valuable sewing time in  always having to stop and prepare meals for our families. It is such a waste of time.

I had tried to convince my family that the four basic food groups were Fast, Frozen, Microwavable and Carry Out, but they kept whining for a home cooked meal. The constant whining was starting to get on my nerves but now I have recently discovered a remarkable cooking device that cuts hours off of meal preparation time. Hours that can now be used more productively for sewing. This amazing device is called a crock pot. A truly remarkable invention.

All you have to do is round up a bunch of compatible food, dump it in the crock pot along with a little chicken or beef broth and some garlic powder, and then, eight or nine hours of uninterrupted sewing time later, dinner is done.

Just before your family gets home, splash a little water on your forehead and sprinkle a little flour on your cheeks. Then complain about how you have slaved for hours in the kitchen and how no one appreciates these fabulous and time consuming meals that you have laboriously prepared. Guilt the heck out of them.

I will occasionally post a recipe here and there for you to use to impress your family with your new found culinary skills.

WELCOME!

Hello! My name is Courtenay and Welcome to my blog Chip and Dale Designs. I hope you will become a regular reader and that eventually, once you get past all of my quirks and kinks, that we can become online friends.

I must warn you, however, that Chip and Dale Designs is not your ordinary run-of-the-mill blogs. I have a really warped sense of humor and I try to weave that dementedness into my writings and ramblings.

I started sewing and quilting over 20 years ago. Over the years, I was fortunate enough to be able to turn my sewing addictions into somewhat of a career. Following a long run with Hobby Lobby, I had the opportunity to work in a variety of quilt shops. It does seem rather unusual that two of the shops closed after I worked there for several years, and another one moved but didn’t tell me where they moved to. Oh well.

As my sewing addiction worsened, and as I became better at the craft, I began teaching classes. I don’t want to brag, but I am going to anyway. I now have quite a following for my classes and I thoroughly enjoy teaching quilters new patterns, techniques, etc. I also instruct ladies in ways to get their husbands and children to support them in their quilting addictions. I hope to be able to pass those pearls of wisdom on to you.

In addition to talking about quilting and sewing, this blog will also contain exciting new recipes. These recipes are quick and simple, designed to make your family think that you have slaved all day in the kitchen preparing them a delicious meal. In reality the meal only took a few minutes to prepare thus allowing you the whole day to sip wine and sew.

The blog will also contain reviews of many of the quilt shops that I have visited along with critiques of some of the websites where I have done online shopping. There will also be occasional contests and giveaways.

So, in a nutshell, or maybe nutcase, that is what the Chip and Dale Designs blog is all about. I hope to entertain and amuse you, enlighten you, and one day get you as addicted to quilting and sewing as I am.

 In other words, I want to leave you in stitches!

 Happy Sewing!

 Courtenay